It’s great to have a standing neighborhood “place,” somewhere you know you can get a delicious and comforting meal whenever you pop in. And it’s even nicer when the staff at the restaurant treats you like a regular, by remembering the people you dine with, knowing your drink order or surprising you with a taste from the kitchen.
Tanner Collins, general manager at Ruse in St. Michaels, Maryland, describes the ideal relationship between a restaurant and a regular: “It’s a wonderful feeling for you, and if you’re a good regular, it’s a great feeling for the restaurant staff as well,” he said. “We’ll be excited to see you and ask about that recent trip to Europe we saw on Instagram, or to comfort you after a bad day.”
But if you’re new in town, new in the neighborhood, or just in need of a new place to dine, how can you establish yourself as a beloved customer? We asked restaurant pros for a few easy tips.
Dine Regularly, At Quieter Times
Chef Robert Irvine, owner of Fresh Kitchen by Robert Irvine, suggests coming in at the same time of day and on the same day of the week or at the same time of the month. “You’re more likely to see the same staff members, and you’re more likely to be remembered,” he said.
To get to know the staff better, go on quieter days like Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, said pastry chef Caroline Schiff, author of “The Sweet Side of Sourdough.” “Staff aren’t as busy then, and they’ll have time to get to know you,” she said.
Learn Names, Ask Questions
Elizabeth Morrissey Brown, senior vice president of hospitality management company Morrissey Hospitality, said that learning staff names is a must, and she said that this includes servers, bartenders and chefs. “Think of this more as a friendship than a one-time transaction,” she said. “Both sides have to be nurtured. It’s our business to be kind and of service, so if you want to be a beloved customer, think about how you can reciprocate that.”
Chef Rossi, owner of New York-based The Raging Skillet and author of the memoir “The Punk Rock Queen of the Jews,” also emphasized the importance of having some empathy for the nature of food service work. “These jobs can be grueling and stressful, so having a regular take the time to ask about your baby girl or the vacation you took to Mexico with your elderly father, that goes a long way,” Rossi said.
Allison Williams, general manager at Washington, D.C.’s Pascual, agreed. “Restaurant work can be socially demanding because you spend all day asking others how their day was and how you can help. We love to share our hospitality, but it’s such a kind gesture when someone genuinely asks us about our day,” Williams said.
“Ultimately, the best way to become a regular is to really invest in getting to know the people who work at the restaurant, not just as staff or servers but as friends you visit every week,” said Peter Elias, founder of Spain Wine Bar in Ocean City, Maryland.
Be Flexible And Forgiving
“Regulars are patient during busy times and understand the challenges of running a business,” said chef John Sugimura, pointing out that empathy and consideration are always appreciated. Those favorite customers, he said, “are consistently friendly, chatty and willing to engage in light conversation, and that helps create a positive and welcoming atmosphere in the space.”
Collins said that regulars are kind when they can’t be accommodated on a certain evening or when mistakes happen during service. “Having compassion for the service industry is a great way to gain some ‘brownie’ points,” he said.
Williams said that everyone notices the customer who behaves with kindness and grace. “Recognizing that the people who work in your favorite restaurants are humans,” Williams added, “who can have good days and bad days, just like you, makes us all feel a little better.”
Do Something Nice For Them
Sharing small gifts can often mean more than grand gestures, these food service professionals said. “Some of my favorite regulars bring me souvenirs from their travels,” Williams said. “It’s nothing particularly grand, but the gesture is so heartwarming. For someone to remember that I love to travel, then want to come to the restaurant to tell me about their trip, is one of my favorite parts of the job.”
Elias said, “Some of our regulars have brought homemade sourdough bread to share with the chef and get his feedback. Others invite us to their special events. These guests may have started as strangers, but they’ve become friends.”
Andrew Elder, general manager and sommelier of Jônt in Washington, D.C., has a real fondness for customers who are generous with staff. “One of my favorite regulars, who has dined at Jônt since the beginning, always brings a bottle of wine as corkage, but he also brings a second bottle for the staff, as well,” Elder said. “That gesture is received so well from the staff and is such a thoughtful thing to do, especially when you’re bringing wine to drink at dinner instead of buying a bottle off the wine list.”
Chef Douglas Keane, owner of the Sonoma Michelin-star restaurant Cyrus and author of the memoir “Culinary Leverage: A Journey Through the Heat,” remembered, “We once had a four-top of people come back the next morning around 11 a.m. while we were prepping. They brought pizzas for the team because they’d had such a great visit the night before. That touched all of us a lot. It was really heartfelt and spontaneous.”
Keane added, “People have brought us cookies they made, and I know it takes not just time, but also vulnerability, to feed a bunch of cooks. But the truth is, we’re very appreciative of the effort and will love it, even if we sprinkle a little salt on something after you leave.”
It’s Still A Business
No matter how often you patronize a restaurant, you still need to remember that it’s a business. Being friendly with staff doesn’t give you a license to set up shop there, so be respectful of time constraints on reservations, especially during busy times, Schiff said. “It’s still a business and a place of work, so don’t get too comfortable by, for instance, sitting at the bar for hours on your laptop on a busy Friday night,” Schiff added.
And just because you showed up, don’t expect everyone to drop what they’re doing to say hi. “We love to chat, but that doesn’t mean that in the middle of a rush you can stop and kvetch, far from it,” Rossi said. “When we’re in the weeds, just a wave and a smile is more than enough.”
In addition to being flexible when things don’t go well, it’s also important to be equally flexible when things inevitably change. “You can’t expect restaurants to stay exactly the same,” Williams said. “We may change dishes or cocktails, even your favorites, but show trust in the restaurant’s team to guide you in the direction of your next favorite menu item.”
For Collins, humility is a highly appreciated customer trait. “My personal pet peeve is the customer who constantly says, ‘We come here all the time,’ or who mentions how much they do to support us,” Collins added. “We love our customers, but it’s a challenge when they’re acting like the most important person who’s ever stepped foot in the space.”
And be sure to take things slow, these experts advised. “If becoming a regular is becoming a friend or at least [a] good acquaintance of the staff, then the surefire way to fail is by rushing things,” Irvine said. “Your interest in these people has to be genuine, and if you start acting like someone’s best friend the second time you’ve seen them, that’s going to come off as transactional and phony.”
It’s Worth A Little Effort
“My favorite work memories are when we get to meet the next generation of our regulars, when they bring in their kids or grandkids,” Brown said. “It makes me proud to know our team was able to create such an exceptional experience that we built not just one core memory, but many for their entire family.”
Irvine summed it up this way: “Tipping well and being friendly and polite should all go without saying. Buying a round of drinks for the staff or for the kitchen or the chef are bigger gestures that I won’t discourage, but I also don’t believe it’s necessary to earn regular status.
Irvine continued, “What is necessary is to earnestly engage. Ask staff members how they’re doing when you see them, and genuinely listen to their answers and remember things about them. And you should bring something to the table, too. Tell a story. Be gregarious. I think those gestures ultimately go further in the long run.”